Friday, July 30, 2010,7:55 AM
memories.
I don't like it when all the bad memories, or the embarrassing moments find a way to sneak into a my thoughts. It was hard living down those moments from that time, and it still hasn't reached the point where I can just simply look back and laugh.
They still hurt.
Especially when I think about my first love, my kind of love, and my should have been love, or whatever love.
I always tell myself that everything happens for a reason (and it DOES), but on my human nature, I just think about it and forget what's happening right now. And then I just... drown.
Drown in my own memories. I came across a word yesterday, "saudade" and completely defines the feelings that I were feeling the night before.
You know, it didn't work out between us but I can't help but think what if it did? What kind of person would I be, or dare to be? I won't deny that we had so much fun, and my love was there. I won't pretend I never felt it.
Or if I didn't do what I did, or say what I wanted, I could of easily avoided that embarrassing moment.
Sigh.
Luckily for me, I have a God that knew how I felt, and when I prayed and prayed that night... I felt so much better the next morning. I think about the thoughts I thought about before, and it doesn't phase me.
(I basically wrote this because I really miss my ex-boyfriend's mom, and then all these memories started djkladlas freaking out on me)
