Wednesday, March 31, 2010,7:24 AM
Let it be.
I can't sit around any longer.
I was told I'd be called today or tomorrow, if not... ):
I'm praying that I get a call today. I really need this more than ever.
It's nice to know I have full support from my boyfriend.
He's the one with the crazy networking and crazy connections.
I know that to some people, this isn't a big deal... but to me, this is
basically the jumpstart of my whole working experience.
MY initiative to start helping my family.
I'm going to learn how to eat many things on my plate.
School, family, boyfriend, friends, and this job.
But, God remains as my top priority ♥
Monday, March 29, 2010,7:37 PM
Isn't it wonderful?
♥ ♥♥♥
Isn't it wonderful?
How He knew me before I was even born?
How He knew my talents and faults before I even acquired them?
How He had a plan made out, specially for me?
How He constantly listen to me?
How He loves me unconditionally and wonderfully?
How He blessed me with a beautiful life?
With an amazing family, the best of friends,
and a loving boyfriend?
It sure is.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010,6:06 PM
Babies.
There are currently four people I know that just had a baby born in the last three months. Two of them are semi-close to me, the other two are girls I know from school.
I've seen two of the babies so far, and they are precious, perfect gifts. Just the very thought of enduring such hardships for 9 months for the sake of a life is truly beautiful. I am grateful that another route wasn't taken, and each new mother appreciates their new born baby. I can honestly say that I actually am a little jealous. It doesn't help hearing my friends say I'd make a wonderful mother <3. I can't wait to have one myself, but alas, there are many things that I want to do before I even get into that area.
I just adore little humans, they're so cute.
Earlier today, my love and I went to the park, and there was this little 2 year old running around with her mom (I think) and she had the cutest butt because of the diaper. Also, her hair was in cute little pigtails and she wore light pink. She came next to my love and pointed at his water bottle, he said, "Hi!" She giggled and the mother explained that she was intrigued with bottles.
> 3< ~ That is so sweet..
One day, Jenn. One day (:
Labels: babies, motherhood, park, sweet
Monday, March 22, 2010,5:58 AM
I'm okay.
It's just a warning. It's a wake-up call for you and I.
We're okay. I'm okay.
5 months until my birthday, yay!
[oh and yesterday was our 21st]
Sunday, March 21, 2010,8:39 PM
What am I supposed to do?
So my boyfriend today asked me, "Why does everyone like you?" And he means in a way, where people would crush on me, or think I'm cute. I immediately denied it and found it bizarre. Now, I don't mean to sound conceited or anything.. but I did some thinking and it's true.
He mentioned that when I first met him, back in 2008 (back to when I was with my first), his friend turned to him and said, "She's pretty cute! Don't you think so?" And he agreed. He also gave me other scenarios.
I've had a handful of people liking me in the past few years, and I've been able to successfully able to attract anyone I really wanted. It never really occurred to me how much I "attract" people. My boyfriend thinks I do, but I don't know. All I'm doing is being myself.
And I don't mean to be a heart breaker, it's not in my agenda.
I still find it awfully strange. This is weird. But I'm a one-man woman and I'm terribly dedicated to my one and only.
What am I supposed to do?
This will not become a problem. Again.
Labels: crush, heart, love, problem, ugh
Thursday, March 18, 2010,9:39 PM
Hey fellas,
"Sorry, but I have a boyfriend!"
[I actually had to say that to someone today -__-]
So tonight I was singing a random cover with one of my good friends, at the end, both my good friend and boyfriend both said I had a really nice voice. I immediately cringed at the very compliment. Usually, I'd say, "thank you" or "aw.." at a compliment.. but for some reason, it's hard for me to have someone tell me I sing well.
I think it's because my sisters are constantly poking fun at my voice, and I'm always flat when I'm singing out my alto lines. I don't know what it is, but sometimes I refuse to believe that my voice may actually be nice. Maybe it's nice for talking, nice for laughing, but no good for singing.
I love singing, don't get me wrong. But it's one of those things that I love to do, but suck at. Like dancing. It's fun, but I'm not coordinated at all.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010,8:06 PM
Hearts all around.
"Wake up in the morning, and I see the sunshine,
only got the summertime in my mind.
My girls and I, we kick it all the time,
only got the summertime in my mind...
We keep it movin'."
I remember last year, I swore that Summer would be my most hated season due to the tragedies that were written especially for me. The poison given to me that was inevitably sure to kill soon after. I swore never to look at it the same again, I swore to never be the same. BUT, swearing is bad. And, I still absolutely love Summer regardless of anything. Summer 2009, oh.. slapped me in the face, but hon, did I wake up.
Spring break is on it's way, and I've never been more excited. I have everything I need for the next year. I have my boyfriend, my permit, a college to attend, and I have my relationship with God.
I like Summer mainly because of the sunshine and the hot air. It's so much easier for me to cool down than it is to get warm. Summer 2010, please do wonders. You're still a bit far away, but I'm seeing that time likes to work against my will. Days will become weeks, and weeks will become months, and months to be years.
There I go again! Always thinking of the future.
Take a breather, girl.
Happy Saint Patrick's Day!
Labels: 2010, God, hot, summer
Tuesday, March 16, 2010,9:19 PM
Stellar company.
There's no better company than your company.
I wish we could just sit and talk for hours and hours.
You have so many interesting things to say..
And I love the way you throw your arm around me,
just to pull me a tad closer.
I constantly think about our possible future together.
I think a lot, because I know we're dedicated to each other.
Faithfully, wonderfully, and beautifully.
Hoping that all we do is by the glory of God.
We'll have a small and cozy house, with many pets.
We'll have terrible downs, and extraordinary highs.
And we'll love and be loved.
That's why we must work extremely hard.
Get good grades and be successful.
But in anything, it must be in God's plan!
We'll see what He has in store for us.
Though it might take God Himself to pull me away from you.
I love you.
Labels: company, extraordinary, faith, love
Monday, March 15, 2010,4:43 PM
My hands.
" My hands, they only agree to hold
Your hands, and they don't wanna be without
Your hands, and they will not let me go
No they will not let me go!"
My Hands - Leona Lewis
I love it when sometimes I listen to a song, it just stirs up my emotions. The emotions may not always be good, but it just reminds me that I can feel, I have feelings. I am reminded that I have heart scars and patches from my past until now. This song in particular, I heard it for the first time around last year, when I first saw the trailer for a video game.
If you were to hold my hands, you'd be surprised to feel how soft they are, even after everything I've endured. Hmm, mmm. When I think of hands, I think of the ability to hold something. And what do we like to hold? Things that our valuable. That's why... my hands will be used to do good and reach out to others. I lend my hand, I lend my help.
[even if they get scorched and crushed]
Sunday, March 14, 2010,8:47 AM
Sundays.
I love Sundays, I really do. I feel like Sunday is a really chill and slow day. Everything seems to go by at a simple pace.
There are probably only two things that I don't really like. I don't like the fact that we have school again the next day, Monday. Nor do I like the fact that I don't always go to Church on Sunday. I mean, where I used to go, I didn't really feel comfortable nor did I have that "connection" with God. I'm usually going to Church with friends and going to Church with my love (he's Catholic). I've pretty much held up this facade until last May, where I believe I was able to fully connect with Him. Boy, did I cry (that's the power of God).
Most people know that I attend youthgroup on Friday and that's where I feel amazingly comfortable. But I can't go to that place on Sundays because it's too far and I can't drive.. yet.
I also hope that people come to realize that Sunday shouldn't only be the Lord's day. Everyday should, so worship mustn't stop, nor should your prayers.
It's about to be a beautiful day.
*don't forget to put your clock ahead an hour*
Labels: God, Sundays, Youthgroup
Thursday, March 11, 2010,8:35 PM
I can't shake this feeling.
I feel so embarrassed right now, over something that happened a couple of days ago. I should be over it, but it's really nit-picking at my heart. It happened during class, and in a class, there are so many diverse and unique individuals with different opinions. I am too embarrassed to say what was said, but I wish with all my heart it wasn't said. No, it wasn't me who said it.
):
When someone tells you something that is secretive, it's because they trust you. Probably not in a way where they would put their own life in your hands.. but for what it's worth, they DO trust you. It just sucks when someone completely disregards this bond and blurts out hurtful things. They say it because they're
too comfortable.
Oh, the memories are haunting. I know, I know. I've definitely had much worse embarrassing moments. But golly, this is so fresh.. it's gonna bother me for the next couple of nights.
Next time, keep your mouth shut. I shall not tell you another.
Labels: embarrassment, secrets, trust
Tuesday, March 9, 2010,9:14 PM
200th day.
"I'm a woman in love and I love what it's doing to me!"
There are a lot of things that I want to get done and over with as soon as possible. Like, graduating and finishing college. And honestly, I wanna fast forward to the part where I'm happily married, successful and proactive in my community. The idea of having children one day makes me feel completely excited for the next phases in my life. I can't wait to learn how to cook, sew, and clean properly to establish a warm-cozy home for my one-day family.
These are things that I yearn to have in my life, but I am still a teenager, not even an adult.
I don't really know why these thoughts are coming to me, but they've been in my head since I was a freshman. I remember in 10th grade, I wanted to be a mother so badly. I couldn't wait to leave my household, away from my mother and sisters.
I don't know, I feel like.. I shouldn't be so excited for the future. I know it's great to have hopes, goals, and dreams. But I need to focus on right now, or else none of that would even matter. None of it can be accomplished. Maybe life is moving a little too fast for me.. if that's the case, then why am I still urging time to move fast?
Slow me down, please.
Labels: 200th, motherhood, time
Monday, March 8, 2010,6:35 PM
Relationships.
Even after all this time, even after all the lessons learned.. I still have one major flaw. I am clingy. I don't know why I am so clingy and I don't understand why I don't learn from my past mistakes. It doesn't make sense to keep doing something a certain way, even though I know it causes trouble.
But I know that he loves me regardless of my flaws, but even so.. I understand that it might be a burden. It's hard dealing with me, I know. I don't want it to be like that.
I look around and watch couples fight and sometimes it gets out of hand. That's where I thank the Lord for blessing me with someone like you. Someone made so perfect for me.
So I have compiled a list of things that I could start following. I need to make this change, not for him, not for my family, not for my friends, but for me.
- Learn patience. When he says he's on his way, trust him. Don't call every 5 minutes.
- Have trust. Don't compare this beautiful relationship to the ruined past.
- Stay optimistic. We need both rain and shine to grow strong!
- Keep faith. Don't ever, ever doubt him.
I have zero patience, I get easily jealous, I am pessimistic, and I am shaky on our relationship. I keep expecting things, I keep wanting things.. but when will I realize that I am perfectly, wonderfully content? I have everything I will ever need, plus more.
I love you, my boxman.
Labels: blessed, love, relationships
